English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review

English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Chelsea Adams & Small Violin

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

• The introductory paragraph is interesting. Although the writer was aware that many other students did not recommend the professor she took the challenge of taking his class.
• I was unsure of what strategy the writer was using to begin the essay.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

• The thesis statement is unclear in the introductory paragraph.
• I believe that the writer’s purpose of writing the essay was “everything was great in the course up until the month of September.”

                       

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

• The thesis is unclear until the conclusion paragraph where the writer implies that she would like to embarrass the professor as he had done her.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided.

• All the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis, however there should be a section in the introduction about “being tough.”

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

• Yes there should be a paragraph about the writer being tough. The conclusion is not where the thesis should be stated. The paragraphs that are included do flow smoothly and logically.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?

• The individual paragraphs are well detailed and the inclusion of the writer and professor responses to each other is very effective. The writer should include if she informed the professor before she went to the funeral.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). 

• The “being tough” is out of order. There should be an earlier paragraph to describe that this is the trait she is displaying as her thesis.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

• The introduction does not have any obligations in it. There is not mention of how she will deal with the situation.

9. Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)

• The sentence structure is effective and the writer has no major grammatical or spelling errors.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

• I really liked that the writer included the exact conversation between themself and the professor.
• I feel as if the writer should include the thesis in the introductory paragraph. The writer should also describe why this is their thesis, did the writer grow up believing that they shouldn’t question authoritative figures, etc.