English 101 @ USI

Friday, June 10, 2011

Introduction Round 2

I enrolled in the summer session of English 101 to improve my grade point average. My advisor recommended that I retake the course to better my chances of getting into the nursing program here at USI. I am not a strong writer but I was convinced that I could juggle the three hour class with my full time at the hospital.

Fortunately for me the assignments that were required to be written about were firsthand accounts of our own lives. This could not have worked out better for me because, who doesn’t have a story for every situation in your life? Although I am not a huge fan of online classes I was glad that the professor decided to use a blog to read all of our assignments.

The topics of the readings ranged from a young boy ashamed in his classroom to a proud fireman discussing his daily activities at work. I personally liked writing the essay entitled “Man of the House.” My father has made a huge impact on my life and I felt it and honor to be able to write a small essay contributing to his admirable traits. I also enjoyed writing the essays about my horses. I find them to be a great influence on my life and the person that I am today. My horses have made me a responsible adult and have also brought joy and honor at the work I have put into them throughout my life.

Although they were not the easiest essays to write I also enjoyed writing the essays about the negative encounters I have had throughout my life. Any person who has experienced the task as of being “the new kid” knows how embarrassing it can be to be excluded from the crowd and to be picked on because there is no one there to take up for you. This made me a bit timid about entering a school where I had no previous connections. My experience in fifth grade affected me into my early college days when I moved into a dormitory with two girls who had went to high school together and their families had been friends for a while. For this essay I used the practice writing example that was given to us with week one assignments. I found these very helpful while writing the essay.

The essay entitled Mean Girls obviously affects the way that I go into a work related assignment. I still have a very good work ethic but I try not to be over assertive because I have learned that this can make me appear like I know more than I do. For this essay I used brainstorming. I could not remember any situations that compared to Staples experience while living in Chicago. I wrote down several instances where I had been stereotyped based upon my size and looks but felt that my work ethic was the best example for the class.

When doing the assigned homework from each evening I found it best to read the assignment once and then go through the questions. I would skim through the reading again and then begin to look for inspiring passages in the reading to answer the questions. This process usually did not take long because the answers were my opinions on the reading assignment. To begin writing my own essays I liked the idea of free writing and idea mapping.

When I first began writing for this course I really liked the idea of actually writing the essays out on to paper with a pen. This felt more involved to me and I actually enjoy writing essays out onto lined paper and then typing the essay from there. However, as the course went on I began to only write out the idea mapping with my thesis in the middle. From the thesis the branches would reach out to the body paragraph main subjects. This decreased the amount of time it took me to write the blogs every week.

To revise my essays I am still a fan of printing the writing out and physically writing on the paper the adjustments I feel are necessary. By reading through the rough draft again it helps to avoid small spelling and grammatical errors. This allows helps to add and subtract any sentences or words that do not fit appropriately into the essay. When writing the essay I still remained formal because I know that this is a college course and tried to refrain from using too many pronouns. I also had trouble feeling that the essay was acceptable with the essay being written in first person. Although, I know that any story from my life told by me should be in first person I feel that this is not an acceptable way to turn in a college-level assignment.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

English 101 Classification & Division-Based Peer Review

English 101 Classification & Division-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Mark Gregory & How Do We Find the Student Essay

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be classified and/or divided into groups?

The introductory paragraph is interesting because the writer implies that different people fill positions at K Mart but that all the people are the same. Yes the introduction specifies clearly that workers will be classified into groups.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the classification and/or division? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

Yes the thesis is that there are many different workers but that they all fit into a certain group.
The purpose of the essay is “the only thing is that the people rotate out with new people come in and refill their spot into that category.”

3. Is the writer’s basis of classification clear (see “Notes on Classification and Division” posted June 2^nd)? Why or why not? By what means is the writer grouping his or her subject matter?

The writer’s basis of classification is clear. The groups of individuals are broken up based upon age and the way that work is performed.

4. Are the groups or categories clearly defined and uniquely named? Do any seem to overlap or appear oversimplified or based on stereotypes? Explain.

The categories are clearly defined and uniquely named. Many high school workers work at minimum wage jobs like K Mart because of the good hours and the money they can make for easy work.

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.

The paragraphs are arranged well.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s classification and/or division?

The paragraphs seem well detailed. The paragraphs are adequate the way they are written.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

The sentence about the elderly workers being women and wanting time away from their husbands seems irrelevant and should be removed.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?

The obligations of describing the different groups of workers at K Mart have been proven successfully in the essay.

9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)

The writer has many grammatical and spelling errors. The writer should proof the essay before the final draft.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I liked that the writer grouped themself in the essay. Pointing out that it was mostly females who occupied the elderly group seems irrelevant because there is no other group that is mainly one sex. The conclusion needs work. The writer should explain something that they learned from each group throughout the time that they worked at K Mart.

English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review

English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Amanda Elpers & Pet Peeve

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. First of all, does the essay respond appropriately to the assignment: 1) Is the writer writing about a group or class that he or she is a member of? (For example, a male shouldn’t be writing an “I Want a Girlfriend” essay; also an “I Want a Genie” essay would not be acceptable), or 2) Is the writer ranting against a pet peeve or current societal shortcoming? Explain your answer.

Yes the writer is ranting against a pet peeve of theirs.

2. “I Want a Wife” is a good example of an essay with an implied thesis statement. Does your writer have an explicit (stated) or implicit (implied) thesis? If the thesis is clearly stated, re-write it below. If the thesis is implied, write what you believe the thesis to be below.

The thesis is implied that not lowering the toilet seat is their pet peeve.

3. Is the writer’s term or concept sufficiently defined? Why or why not? What other information would help you “define” this term?

The concept is sufficiently defined.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or definition.

Yes the paragraphs contribute to the thesis.

The paragraphs work well the way they are written because the writer even puts the other characters into the writer’s situation. The paragraphs connect smoothly and logically based on a time frame.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details that would help define the writer’s term(s) or concept? Does the writer utilize the different strategies of definition (see “Notes of Definition” posted June 1^st)? What strategy should the writer consider using more? Explain your answer—why would this strategy be effective?

Although the addition of having a seminar is funny the following sentence seems out of place and unnecessary. “All lazy men are welcome,” should probably be removed because it has no reasoning in the essay.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

See 6

8. Brady’s essay is also a good example of an effective tone…while not quite a rant, she definitely exudes frustration with society’s expectations of “wifely” duties. Does the essay you’re reading have a similar tone? What could the writer do to sound even more exasperated?

No the tone of the essay is definitely a rant. The writer seems to imply that she is completely covered in water from head to toe from falling into the toilet.

There seem to be a few fragments and run-ons. The spelling of the essay is very good though.

I like the way the writer explains that she has “strong words” with the men of the house and that out of respect they should lower the toilet seat. The conclusion seems sudden as if the writer goes straight from an example of the men in the situation where they fall into the toilet to the end. It seems hurried. The writer also calls the individuals in the home boys. The writer is speaking of the father and if the respect they are talking about to lower the seat should be carried on to the discussion of him as a man.

English 101 Process-Based Peer Review

English 101 Process-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Megan Elleser & “Conk” Influence Essay

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

I found the introductory paragraph interesting because it explained the time of the story and gave a slight background into the writer.
The sentence “But of course with my luck things did not go so well.” made me want to continue reading because it seemed like an interesting story would follow.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

The thesis is clear that the writer wanted to change their appearance.
The purpose of the essay is “I was sick of my curly hair and really wanted to have the straightest hair possible.”

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

I was sick of my curly hair and really wanted to have the straightest hair possible.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.

All of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis.

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.

No the paragraphs are in chronological order and are affective this way.

6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?

See 5

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

All paragraphs are unified and coherent.

The writer has fulfilled the obligations from the introductory paragraph. The explanation of the writer’s luck was proved throughout the essay. The discussion of how the chemicals would feel seem to be irrelevant. The writer tells of their experience with the chemicals and that is all that is needed.

The sentences have few spelling and grammatical errors.

I like that the writer learns to embrace their own hair and not to envy that of the other individuals. Actual sentences should be written for the paper instead of having so many notes in parenthesis. The process paragraph should be broken into different paragraphs.

English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review

English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Chelsea Adams & Small Violin

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

The introductory paragraph is interesting. Although the writer was aware that many other students did not recommend the professor she took the challenge of taking his class.
I was unsure of what strategy the writer was using to begin the essay.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

The thesis statement is unclear in the introductory paragraph.
I believe that the writer’s purpose of writing the essay was “everything was great in the course up until the month of September.”

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

The thesis is unclear until the conclusion paragraph where the writer implies that she would like to embarrass the professor as he had done her.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided.

All the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis, however there should be a section in the introduction about “being tough.”

Yes there should be a paragraph about the writer being tough. The conclusion is not where the thesis should be stated. The paragraphs that are included do flow smoothly and logically.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?

The individual paragraphs are well detailed and the inclusion of the writer and professor responses to each other is very effective. The writer should include if she informed the professor before she went to the funeral.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

The “being tough” is out of order. There should be an earlier paragraph to describe that this is the trait she is displaying as her thesis.

The introduction does not have any obligations in it. There is not mention of how she will deal with the situation.

The sentence structure is effective and the writer has no major grammatical or spelling errors.

I really liked that the writer included the exact conversation between themself and the professor.
I feel as if the writer should include the thesis in the introductory paragraph. The writer should also describe why this is their thesis, did the writer grow up believing that they shouldn’t question authoritative figures, etc.

How to Con an Instructor

Enter college, and you'll soon be reminded of an old saying: “The pen is mightier than the

sword.” That person behind the instructor's desk holds your future in his or her ink-stained hands. So your first important assignment in college has nothing to do with required readings, examinations,or even the hazards of registration. It is, instead, how to con an instructor.

The first step in conning an instructor is to use body language. You may be able to convince your instructor that you are special without even saying a word. When you enter the classroom, be sure to sit in the front row. That way, the instructor can't possibly miss you. Then, as the instructor lectures, take notes frantically. The instructor will be flattered that you think so much of his or her words that you want to write them all down. A felt-tip pen is superior to a pen or pencil; it will help you write faster and prevent aching wrists. While you are writing, be sure to smile at the instructor's jokes and nod violently in agreement with every major point. Most important, as class continues, sit with your body pitched forward and your eyes wide open, fixed firmly, as if hypnotized, on your instructor's face. Make your whole body suggest that you are watching a star.

Once you have mastered body language, it is time to move on to the second phase of conning the instructor: class participation. Everyone knows that the student who is most eager to learn is the one who responds to the questions that are asked and even comes up with a few more. Therefore, be sure to be responsive. Questions such as, “How does this affect the future of the United States?” or “Don’t you think that someday this will all be done by computer?” can be used in any class without prior knowledge of the subject matter. Many students, especially in large classes, get lost in the crowd and never do anything to make themselves stand out.

Another good participation technique is to wait until the instructor has said something that sounds profound and then ask him or her to repeat it slowly so you can get it down word for word in your notes. No instructor can resist this kind of flattery. However, the most advanced form of conning an instructor happens after class. Don’t be like the others who slap their notebooks closed, snatch up their books, and rush out the door before the echoes of the final bell have died away. Did you ever notice how students begin to get restless about five minutes before

class ends, even if there’s no clock on the wall? Instead, be reluctant to leave. Approach the

instructor’s desk hesitantly, almost reverently. Say that you want to find out more about the topic. Is there any extra reading you can do? Even better, ask if the instructor has written anything on the topic—and whether you could borrow it to read (or, even better, where you can purchase a copy).

Finally, compliment your instructor by saying that this is the most interesting course you’ve ever

taken. Nothing beats the personal approach for making an instructor think you care. Body language, questions, after-class discussions—these are the secrets of conning an instructor that every college student should know. These kinds of things go on in high school, too, and they’re just as effective on that level. Once you master these methods, you won’t have to worry about a thing—until the final exam.

Southern Slang

Growing up in Southern Indiana I tend to have an accent. The slang most commonly used by members of my family comes from a southern descent. This includes words like ain’t, youens, and never completing words that end in –ing with an actual “g.” I usually use this type of English around my friends and family from home.

This type of English is used around individuals who speak the same way. My grandmother was constantly calling for my cousins and I by saying “Youens get in the house and close that door! We ain’t tryin to cool the outdoors.” It wasn’t until I recently watched a home video of this that it actually hit me how much of a twang that we all had while growing up. Although we are from around the Bloomington area my family talked like we were from south of the Dixie line.

When I first started school this affected how I communicated with friends and how I would complete my homework. I had to learn to sound out words just like every other student but I just was not sure why they wanted to add extra letters to some words they sounded perfectly fine to me without the addition of a “g.”

During middle school my friends and I began to base our language upon our favorite movies. To my parents’ dismay the movie my best friend and I really enjoyed Legally Blonde with Reese Witherspoon. She was a very pretty girl who got into Harvard, what was not to like? “Like” became a staple in my vocal vocabulary I became the typical “airhead girl.” I would whip my hair back and forth and probably said “like” around 10 times in one sentence. It got to the point where I annoyed myself. This is the point at which my friends and I quit quoting movies and just began to have conversations.

I began to change my English when I entered high school and had to write formal papers. I had quickly learned in school that writing in first person was unacceptable for formal papers. Therefore, any slang that I commonly used in conversations was not appropriate to be included in the paper. I began to expand my vocabulary by looking up synonyms for words I frequently used in everyday conversations.

When speaking to someone of authority like my boss at work I speak only with respect and with terms that communicate the opinion or idea I have to help make work more efficient. When speaking to my boss about a work situation I do not bother her with unneeded information. It is best to get the point across and let her continue with her work. However, if I am just having a conversation with my boss I feel I can be semi-formal with her. It is unprofessional to discuss many personal matters with my boss but perfectly acceptable to inform my boss of what is happening with my life.

A situation that would require me to give my boss information on my personal life would be if there was a particular family reason that I could not attend work when I was scheduled. I would still have the discussion without a sentence such as “I ain’t goin’ to be able to make it to work on Saturday, I have a family deal.” Instead I would explain that “I have a family issue that contradicts me working on Saturday is there any way that I could have that weekend off?”

The most formal situations that I have entered into would be interview situations. To have a successful interview however you must allow the interviewer to know you. I have always believed the best way to do this is to tell them about myself and not let my “southern slang” do that for me. I have been interviewed for jobs, scholarships, and in pageants. During situations such as these most people become very nervous. Although I have heard all of the ways to avoid the nervousness, imagine them in their underwear count to three before answering, nothing has really ever worked for me. I go into the interview and answer the questions straight forward and then when I become acquainted with the interviewer I began to tell them more detailed answers.

I have noticed the different Englishes I have used my whole life throughout my writing career but was never aware of the different types I used verbally until I read “Mother Tongue.” If I would talk to some of my relatives the way I continue to write papers some of them would never understand a word I have said. I find it very difficult to have a conversation with someone who encourages wordy conversations because they become boring and seem like homework. I feel privileged that I can relate to people of many different Englishes and hope to relate to more people through conversations in the future.