English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review

English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review Sheet

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Amanda Elpers & Pet Peeve

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. First of all, does the essay respond appropriately to the assignment: 1) Is the writer writing about a group or class that he or she is a member of?  (For example, a male shouldn’t be writing an “I Want a Girlfriend” essay; also an “I Want a Genie” essay would not be acceptable), or 2) Is the writer ranting against a pet peeve or current societal shortcoming?  Explain your answer.

• Yes the writer is ranting against a pet peeve of theirs.

2. “I Want a Wife” is a good example of an essay with an implied thesis statement.  Does your writer have an explicit (stated) or implicit (implied) thesis?  If the thesis is clearly stated, re-write it below.  If the thesis is implied, write what you believe the thesis to be below.

• The thesis is implied that not lowering the toilet seat is their pet peeve.

                      

3. Is the writer’s term or concept sufficiently defined?  Why or why not?  What other information would help you “define” this term?

• The concept is sufficiently defined.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or definition.

• Yes the paragraphs contribute to the thesis.

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

• The paragraphs work well the way they are written because the writer even puts the other characters into the writer’s situation. The paragraphs connect smoothly and logically based on a time frame.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details that would help define the writer’s term(s) or concept?  Does the writer utilize the different strategies of definition (see “Notes of Definition” posted June 1^st)?  What strategy should the writer consider using more?  Explain your answer—why would this strategy be effective?

• Although the addition of having a seminar is funny the following sentence seems out of place and unnecessary. “All lazy men are welcome,” should probably be removed because it has no reasoning in the essay.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). 

• See 6

8. Brady’s essay is also a good example of an effective tone…while not quite a rant, she definitely exudes frustration with society’s expectations of “wifely” duties.  Does the essay you’re reading have a similar tone?  What could the writer do to sound even more exasperated?

• No the tone of the essay is definitely a rant. The writer seems to imply that she is completely covered in water from head to toe from falling into the toilet.

9. Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)

• There seem to be a few fragments and run-ons. The spelling of the essay is very good though.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

• I like the way the writer explains that she has “strong words” with the men of the house and that out of respect they should lower the toilet seat. The conclusion seems sudden as if the writer goes straight from an example of the men in the situation where they fall into the toilet to the end. It seems hurried. The writer also calls the individuals in the home boys. The writer is speaking of the father and if the respect they are talking about to lower the seat should be carried on to the discussion of him as a man.