Narrative Peer Review

Writer’s Name: Maya Tolefree

Reader’s Name: Olivia Thompson

1. Are you able to picture the characters in your head?  What other character related details (age, height, personality, interests, etc.) would enable you to “see”

the writer’s characters on the page?

·         The descriptions of Maya’s family are very adequate. It may help to add more detailed information based upon age. I understand that you come from a family of nine but you did not describe the amount of age differences.

·         Your brother is the oldest and only male so your parents had different aspects of him compared to you and your sisters. This would be more helpful to establish upon and how your younger sisters are allowed more freeway because of the way that the older girls discussed situations with your parents.

2. Does it seem like an essential major or minor character is missing from the

story? What other characters would you like to see in the story?  Are there any

major or minor characters that you could cut from the story?  Why/why not?

·         It seems as if you have included all of the necessary characters in your story.

·         I feel that you should elaborate more upon the characters you have included into the story. You should describe how your brother feels about his privileges. If he acts like he deserves more leeway than his sisters just because he is male.

3. Is the plot/action entertaining?  What could the writer do to “spice” up the action

or captivate your attention?

·         The plot is entertaining it describes how some parents treat their children differently based upon gender. They assume that male children are less likely to get into trouble with increased freedom. Even when these male children do get into trouble they are not punished as harshly as female children would be.

·         The writer could include a time when she broke a rule and the consequences that resulted.

4. Can you picture where the story takes place?  Why or Why not?  What else

could the writer do to establish the setting of the story?

·         It was difficult to picture where the story was taken. The writer should establish where they grew up and if it is set around her home or community. The writer could describe where they are from and the type of house in which they lived.

5. Where in the draft could the writer add more description or background?  Where

would you like to have more specific who, what, when, where, why, or how

details?

·         More description could be used on the setting of the story. Describing the age at which she was when her brother was allowed actions that she was not.

·         The writer should be more specific with the ages of the characters. Describing the setting of the scene would be helpful.

6. Does the dialogue in the story seem realistic?  What could the writer do to    

improve the dialogue?  Where would you like to see less/more dialogue?

·         The dialogue is realistic. I can imagine her parents having the “family meeting” with the girls. The writer could include dialogue from the second discussion where the girls obtained more freedoms from their parents. This would be interesting as to how they persuade their parents that they were responsible and could benefit from more free time.

7. What can the writer do to make this story better?

·         The story can be made better by increasing details. Being specific about ages and settings. Increasing dialogues between the girls and parents. Describing how the brother feels about his freedoms compared to his sisters would help to determine if the children were being modernized at all based upon where they were living.